


come lay with me (you’re safe with me)

by ninjamcgarrett



Series: the chair and the badge [4]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Comfort, Established Relationship, Feels, M/M, Morning Sex, Nightmares, Smut, more word porn about the emotions ash has about pike, soft early-morning feels and smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:28:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29627718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninjamcgarrett/pseuds/ninjamcgarrett
Summary: A soft noise drew Ash’s attention from his errant thoughts and to the sleeping form next to him. Chris was on his side, face turned partially into the pillow, and his brow was scrunched. He looked worried, deep lines etched across his forehead and shadows under his eyes. Ash knew that the search for Spock had taken its toll on him, but the discoloring under his eyes looked deeper now, as if propelled by whatever he was seeing in the dream.
Relationships: Christopher Pike/Ash Tyler | Voq
Series: the chair and the badge [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2011543
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	come lay with me (you’re safe with me)

**Author's Note:**

> So many apologies in Standard and in Klingon for taking so long to get this fic done and posted. I promise the rest of this series is still coming - all 14 more fics of it! Life just got in the way for a bit there. But! The next fic is already started and should be up very, very soon. (Like, within the next week kind of soon.)
> 
> As always, the biggest of best-friend hugs to [somehowunbroken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/somehowunbroken) for beta-ing this for me and always being up for my yelling about this pairing, even though they've never watched single moment of the show (yet). <3

“Long week” didn’t even begin to describe the last seven days on the _Discovery_. They had spent three days following what turned out to be a wild goose chase in the effort to find Spock. At the end of it, arriving at a planet that showed zero life signs, Chris had cursed quietly from the captain’s chair and then ordered the ship onward. Ash hadn’t missed the way Chris’ body had been tense as they jumped to warp and away from yet another fruitless effort to get to Spock before the rest of Section 31 caught up to him.

From there, Starfleet had ordered them to redirect to a ship that was dead in the water in order to tow it to the nearest starbase. That was another two days spent, as they accommodated extra passengers on the ship from the _Sagan_ who needed the use of _Discovery_ ’s labs and equipment to keep their experiments from dying, exploding, or whatever other outcome could befall a scientific hypothesis in action when left alone on an energy-deficient starship. All had been quiet from Section 31 during those two days and Ash had been grateful for it.

When he’d heard that the _Sagan_ ’s crew was ready to beam aboard, he’d rolled up at Nhan’s office and offered his help. With a grateful smile, she’d tasked him with resettling personnel while she handled their equipment transfer. Ash hadn’t had much time then to check in with Chris, who was busy overseeing the towing operation, and they’d both pretty much just tumbled into bed and straight to sleep each night, too exhausted to do more than swap stories around large yawns and lazy kisses. Though, recounting to Chris how Nhan had been so grateful she’d said, “I could kiss you — if you were my type and weren’t attached at the hip to my captain,” had been pretty great if only for Chris’ blush and soft laughter as a result.

After that, the last few days had been eaten up with the generally ordered chaos of docking at a starbase. Transfer of personnel, new members joining the ship, loading and unloading of supplies, authorized shore leave, and more were the standard when docked for more than forty-eight hours. Ash had kept himself busy by digging deep into the files of each new crew member coming aboard and running scans on the supplies and equipment loaded into the shuttle bay as well. Leland had grown more frustrated and short-tempered as Spock eluded capture and it had set Ash’s intuition prickling. Several facts surrounding Spock’s escape still didn’t add up, no matter how many times Ash ran over them, and Leland’s almost fanatical hunt of the Vulcan had been out of the norm as well.

One of the first things Ash had learned upon joining Section 31 was that not everything one saw was true, and that everything just short of galactic domination and destruction were permitted to see the agency’s objectives through. Their whole ethos had been built around subterfuge, subterfuge, and more subterfuge with a helping of cloak-and-dagger subterfuge. Well, if Ash used a bit of that skulking now, he wasn’t to blame. He had begun to get the sense that Leland felt Ash was emotionally compromised by his past on the _Discovery_ (and thank god he didn’t know about Chris) and couldn’t be trusted for the full report on their efforts to find Spock.

Despite Admiral Cornwell’s reminder that they were all on the same side and wanted to get at the truth, Ash didn’t get that sense from Leland. He wouldn’t have put it above Leland to sneak another agent, one Ash wouldn’t know, aboard while they were docked at the starbase, or to use the supplies as a Trojan horse for a data-gathering device. And what precisely Leland wanted with Spock — or to do to him — once they found him, Ash didn’t even want to contemplate. He’d seen some things already in his brief time with them before rejoining his old ship. Leland may have claimed he was hunting Spock for the greater good, but Ash knew better.

And so, while at the starbase, Ash pulled nearly eighteen-hour shifts, scanning data readouts of files (that nobody outside the section had access to), running intel searches, and covertly scanning every parcel that boarded the _Discovery_. During the months looking for Spock thus far, Ash had come to know him secondhand, through stories recounted by Michael and Chris, as well as others on the ship who had worked with him in the past. Ash knew that Spock was like family to Chris in all but blood, and that finding him wasn’t just about clearing Spock’s name or resolving the mystery about the seven signals. It was personal. Chris had said more than once that he hated how he and Spock and the _Enterprise_ had come through the Klingon war unscathed only for Spock to go through this in the here and now, with Chris arriving on the scene too late to protect him.

Ash and Chris had hashed it out, early into their relationship, how Chris felt about Ash’s role with Section 31 and what that might mean for their search. It had been the closest Ash had come to confessing his love for Chris in the early days, swearing to him that while it was Section 31 that had put him on the ship and he had to report to them, no one had stipulated _when_ exactly he had to file those reports.

“If it’s twenty-four hours after we find Spock and we can prove he’s innocent by then?” Ash had mused and then shrugged. “Well, Leland can yell at me all he wants about it.”

Chris had kissed him breathless for that.

It had taken some work, but Ash had also finally been able to verbalize how important Chris’ happiness was to him. Ash knew that finding Spock, clearing his name, and seeing him safe and sound would make Chris the happiest man in the quadrant. And he was damned sure going to do whatever it took to see that happen, no matter how many of Leland’s toes he stepped on in the process.

Which was why he now found himself propped up in bed, data pad in hand, at a frankly ungodly hour. He’d woken early after just a few hours of sleep, though not from nightmares. He’d had a few in the wake of the “Emu Day,” as the ship had begun to call the misadventure Reno’s warp core experiment had put them all through. It had been the standard fragmented memories of his torture while in captivity and he’d woken each time, rattled and shaking, to find Chris pulling him into his arms and murmuring quietly to him until his heart slowed. They had only lasted a few nights, though, and soon enough, Ash had gone back to a real, deep sleep while wrapped around Chris. This morning, however, he hadn’t woken from the memories. He’d slept fitfully, tossing and turning throughout the night until fully coming awake at four in the morning.

He had lain there for a few minutes, watching the easy rise and fall of Chris’ chest in the light of the nearby stars, before shuffling up to prop himself against the headboard. His mind was too full of thoughts about Spock, the signals, and the (so far) frustratingly unproductive hunt for him. So he’d quietly slipped from bed and ordered a cup of tea from the replicator before snagging his data pad and returning to bed. He had settled in with the prospect of trying out a few new searches that might help them, while enjoying the quiet rhythm of Chris’ deep breathing.

More than once, while he read, Ash found himself reaching out and running his fingers through Chris’ disheveled hair, the silvery strands silky against his skin and glinting in the light of his screen. Before Chris, mornings like this had been cold and unbearable, and he’d always done his work out of bed and somewhere physically distant from it while trying to get the same distance emotionally from the turmoil of his post-nightmare mind. Now, though, with the long line of Chris stretched out next to him, Ash couldn’t think of a single place on the ship, let alone the star system, that he wanted to be other than right there beside a softly snoring Chris.

Loving Chris was a soothing thing, something warm and grounding that always resided just behind his sternum, anchoring him amidst the chaos and turbulence of his life as a soldier, a spy, a survivor. Section 31 had given him a renewed purpose in the wake of spiriting him away from Qo’noS, an outlet for his desire to do some good in the universe in an attempted penance for the things he had done during the war. But Chris, though. Chris had given him something better than that. Chris had given him the gift of forgiveness, of hope. Loving Chris — being with him, being loved by him — had been the most life-affirming thing Ash had ever encountered. Not only that, but Chris had slowly been encouraging him that it was okay to be gentle with himself, to embrace his jagged edges and hurting parts and allow himself the luxury of forgiveness, of healing. Ash knew he still had a long way to go, a lot of hurts and memories and guilt to let go, but with Chris supporting him, loving him so wholly, he couldn’t be anything other than hopeful.

A soft noise drew Ash’s attention from his errant thoughts and to the sleeping form next to him. Chris was on his side, face turned partially into the pillow, and his brow was scrunched. He looked worried, deep lines etched across his forehead and shadows under his eyes. Ash knew that the search for Spock had taken its toll on him, but the discoloring under his eyes looked deeper now, as if propelled by whatever he was seeing in the dream. His mouth was pursed, the full lips that drove Ash to distraction whenever he focused on them too long now pressed flat. The normally relaxed, strong jaw was clenched hard, as if struggling to keep something — his words, his emotions, his fear — at bay.

Ash reached out and smoothed a hand over Chris’ hair, humming softly.

“It’s alright, darling,” he whispered. “Only a dream.”

His words didn’t seem to have any tangible effect. Chris turned his face further into the pillow and made a low noise of pain. Ash felt his heart lurch at the sight and sound. Chris was fearless, always throwing himself into whatever was before him with total commitment, always heedless of the cost to himself. It was one of things Ash loved about him — and that scared the ever-loving daylights out of him too — and he had long suspected that it had been part of the magic of Chris that he had fallen for so early on. It pained Ash to see him like this now, huddled and tense, trapped. God, he wondered, was this what it felt like, looked like, when Chris pulled him out of his own tortured nightmares?

“Chris,” he murmured, “wake up. Come on, darling, it’s just a dream.”

Chris shuddered and Ash didn’t hesitate to smooth a hand up his arm and then bury it in his hair, creating a more tangible link between them. He rubbed his thumb back and forth over Chris’ scalp, hoping to bring him awake.

“No,” Chris mumbled and Ash felt his own brow furrow. “You can’t.”

Ash knew he talked in his sleep regardless if it was a nightmare or just an ordinary dream. Chris had mentioned it a few times, including the time Ash had apparently crooned “S’cute” (he still had no clue what that had been about). But to hear Chris talking was another matter entirely. Somehow, despite everything Chris had been through as a captain, and especially as captain of the _Discovery_ , he slept relatively calmly, always deep and restful. He was agitated now though, shifting around on his side, clearly uneasy. Ash knew that Chris talked to him when he was mumbling in his sleep, sometimes picking up the conversation Ash was having and trying to talk him awake through it.

“Can’t what?” he asked.

“Don’t take them,” Chris pleaded, fingers flexing and curling into a fist. “You can’t.”

Them? Ash pulled his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment, weighing what to do next.

“Everyone’s safe, Chris,” he said, deciding it was safest to try to talk him out of the nightmare. “No one is going anywhere.”

“Mine,” Chris practically growled, “he’s _mine_. Won’t let you have him.”

Ash slipped his hand from Chris’ hair and down to rest over his heart. It was thumping at a loud, frantic pace. “No one’s taking anyone,” he responded. “You won’t let that happen. Come on, Chris, you gotta wake up.”

Chris flinched and Ash wondered if his touch had caused the reaction, but then he realized Chris had moved forward, toward him, away from whatever had prompted the physical jerk. Ash moved a hand to Chris’ neck, soothing and light, thumb stroking over his racing pulse.

“Spock,” Chris moaned, sounding absolutely devastated.

Well, shit. Ash should have seen that one coming.

“Spock, _no_!” Chris shouted, bolting upright.

His eyes were wild as they searched the room, chest heaving and his breathing ragged and loud in the quiet around them. Ash turned to fully face him and held his hands out, movements slow and gentle.

“Chris, hey, look at me,” he coaxed. “Come on, that’s it, focus on me. Listen to me; you’re safe, everyone is safe. You were dreaming and it’s over now.”

Chris’ eyes locked on his — turbulent sea gray on concerned hazel — and Ash noticed that his chest slowly stopped the erratic rise and fall as his breath evened out.

Chris had been such a lifeline for him every time he’d dreamt of the torture, of the war. His hands had always been gentle, his touch sure, and his voice soft and reassuring as Ash came out of the fog. Ash had never known such loving gentleness was possible, and beyond that, that he was deserving of it. And yet, whenever Ash dreamt of those memories, Chris greeted him with only love and safety. The way Chris treated him was a blueprint now, Ash realized, helping him navigate Chris back to the calmer, steadier shores of awareness and away from the dark, roiling deep of the nightmares.

“Can I touch you?” Ash asked softly when he was sure Chris was focused on him and cognisant of his surroundings.

A low noise escaped Chris’ throat and he practically launched himself into Ash’s embrace. Ash just wrapped his arms around him and allowed Chris to tackle him back against the pillows. Ash buried his nose in Chris’ hair and inhaled deep as Chris held on. Chris’ arms were tight and locked around his ribcage, the strength in his muscles belied by the slight tremble in his arms.

“Hey,” Ash whispered, “you’re safe, I promise. I’ve got you.”

“Ash,” Chris said, voice raw and rough at the edges. “Ash.”

“Right here, Chris. Not going anywhere.”

“Thank fuck for that,” Chris grunted, burying his face more firmly into Ash’s chest.

The stark relief in his voice wound its way past Ash’s skin and settled around his heart, strong and sure. Sometimes it took his breath away, how fiercely Chris loved him, and other times, like now, it was an unbreakable link between them, strong and comforting. Ash dropped a kiss to Chris’ hair and exhaled slowly as he tried to keep his breathing even.

“Hey,” Ash nudged him gently, “c’mon, follow my lead.”

He took a deep breath and slowly let it out, waiting for Chris to match him on the next inhale. They laid like that for a few minutes, matching breaths, and Ash felt a flood of relief when Chris’ pulse slowed and nearly kept pace with his own. Ash rubbed his chin back forth in a gentle caress over Chris’ hair, smiling when some of the strands caught in his beard. He laid a hand over the nape of Chris’ neck and squeezed lightly before kneading the tense muscles under his fingers. Chris was half-draped over him, warm and solid, comforting in the weight, and Ash wanted to roll them to cover Chris, give him some of that feeling, but he wasn’t sure if Chris would feel more trapped instead.

After a few minutes of Ash holding him, letting his fingers roam and soothe as he found tight knots, the line of Chris’ body relaxed.

“There we go,” Ash murmured before pressing a kiss to his hair. “Feeling a bit better?”

Chris started to reply and had to clear his throat before trying again. When he did finally speak, his voice was rough at the edges still. “Yeah. Thanks, for bringing me out of it. Haven’t had one that bad in years.”

Ash hugged him a little tighter. “Want to talk about it?”

“I — maybe,” Chris replied as he turned to rest his cheek on Ash’s chest to be heard more clearly. “Fuck, Ash, it was awful. We found Spock. Finally. But Section 31 showed up.”

Ash winced. It wasn’t just him that was worried about the possibility, then.

“I’d never tell them where Spock is,” Ash reassured him. “Never. Not until we had him on the ship and knew how the hell he’d been framed for those murders.”

Chris curled a hand around Ash’s bicep and gave a brief squeeze. “I know,” he whispered. “And I love you for that. But it wasn’t you in the dream. It was Leland and a bunch of — of faceless drones. Practically a whole army of them. And we had no choice but to hand him over.”

Ash knew enough about the man in his arms to know that Chris was leaving out the implied threat of the crew being harmed if he didn’t comply with Leland’s demand. Sometimes, even in a dream, it sucked to be captain.

“And the next thing I know,” Chris continued, voice soft and faraway, “he was taking — taking…”

One of Ash’s eyebrows crept up but he waited Chris out, knowing he’d speak when he’d found a way past the wall of emotion. He didn’t have long to wait.

“He was taking you,” Chris finally admitted, so quiet that Ash would have missed it had Chris not been ensconced in the safe circle of his arms. “He was taking you away from me, saying that you had to answer for crimes committed against the Federation.” Chris swallowed and his voice was raw once more. “And I couldn’t stop him. He was dragging you away, Ash, you and Spock. The two people I love the most. And I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t do a damned thing. I felt so helpless. So helpless and afraid.”

Ash rolled them then, just enough so that they were on their sides and he could more firmly tuck Chris into his embrace. Ash buried his face in Chris’ hair and inhaled slowly, sifting through his own emotions, his own reactions.

Chris was tense in his arms again and Ash let out a slow exhale.

“I’ve got you,” he reassured him. “I promise.”

Chris made a noise that sounded halfway to wounded and Ash pressed his lips to Chris’ temple in a kiss before speaking again.

“And I’m making another promise — Leland isn’t taking me away from you. Ever. Period. Full stop. Hell itself couldn’t drag me away from you. I said it that first night and I’ve meant it every day since: you’re stuck with me, darling.”

“God, Ash,” Chris sighed, melting in his arms. “I hate sounding like this, feeling like this, but please. Please don’t make a promise you can’t keep.”

“I fully intend to keep it,” Ash shot back, smiling against Chris’ skin. “I was going to wait to tell you, but I’d been thinking about when we found Spock and figured out the signals and what that means for us.”

Chris stiffened and Ash rubbed a soothing hand down his spine until he settled once more.

“Yeah, I know, that means I’m supposed to go back to the division and you go back to the _Enterprise_. Well, I’d thought that maybe, if you wanted, I could, ah, sweet talk Leland into making me the Section 31 liaison on your ship. If you’re not totally sick of me by then.”

Chris tipped his head back to scan Ash’s face, light eyes curious and hopeful, if a bit guarded. “You’re serious?” he asked.

Ash nodded, biting his lip as he waited.

“Ash,” Chris said on a little exhale, and this time, it didn’t sound lost and forlorn. It sounded like home.

“That a yes?” Ash bumped their noses together.

Chris angled his head so he could press a lingering kiss to the underside of Ash’s jaw. Ash felt the contact down to his toes, warm and easy. 

“Yes, god, yes, please,” Chris whispered as he pulled back to grin up at him.

“Can I kiss you?” Ash asked.

Chris nodded, eyes clear and happy. Ash didn’t wait; he closed the distance and took his time kissing Chris. It started out gentle and tender, something that made the warmth in his chest fan a little hotter, a little brighter. Chris was leaning into him, pliant and eager as he parted his lips to let Ash lick in. Ash loved kissing him like this, slow and easy, Chris relaxed in his arms and content to let Ash set the pace.

In the first few days together they’d been almost frantic, desperate to touch and kiss and taste everywhere and as quickly as possible. But it hadn’t been long before Ash had discovered that lazily kissing like this, wrapped up together and lost in the inhale of one and the exhale of the other, was possibly his favorite way to touch Chris. Sure, the times now when they collided and were practically starving to be naked and fucking as fast as possible, hot and wet and wild, were fucking fantastic. However, feeling the way Chris curled into him, trusting and so, so secure in both of their feelings; the knowledge and the contact always left Ash breathless.

Chris arched into him and Ash groaned when it made their hips come together. Chris shuddered and made a soft, keening noise in the back of his throat.

“What do you need?” Ash whispered, trailing his lips over the rough stubble on Chris’ jaw.

“Just like this,” Chris was hitching his hips closer, trying to find friction and set a rhythm. “Please.”

Ash shuddered. The breathy, pleading note in Chris’ voice always left him helpless to do anything but give Chris everything and then some. He loved Chris and loved watching him fall apart under his touch, loved the way Chris trusted him to be like this, needy and wanting. And this morning was no different.

“Alright,” Ash reassured him before scraping his teeth down the line of Chris’ neck. “Can I get your clothes off, though?”

“Fuck, god, fuck, yes, please,” Chris panted as Ash latched on to the skin over his collarbone and sucked hard.

Ash slid his hands up under the hem of Chris’ shirt, spreading his fingers wide to cover as much skin as possible as he rucked it high. He was loath to let go of the tender skin he was marking, teeth working a claim into that spot over Chris’ collarbone that he loved to taste no matter the time of day. He did finally pull back, but only long enough to pull Chris’ shirt off and then yank his own up and over his head. He tossed both shirts out of the way and vaguely heard the soft sound of them landing somewhere on the floor, but his attention was swallowed by the way Chris’ fingers were pushing at his sweats, need clear in the motion. Ash managed to shuffle them off and went to haul Chris close once more when Chris let out a throaty hum.

“God, I love you, love this,” Chris hummed, running the back of his knuckles down Ash’s chest until he could wrap his fingers around Ash’s dick.

Ash pushed into the touch and blew out a shaky breath. “Fuck, you always know how to touch me. I love it, love you.”

Chris leaned in and kissed him, tonguing into his mouth and licking the taste of Ash’s now-forgotten tea out of his mouth. Ash let him in, let him lead as he worked Chris’ sweats off and out of the way. Chris’ hand let him go to instead roam over the planes of his body, trailing a shivery heat in their wake. His touch was possessive and broad, as if trying to map out every centimeter of him, as if trying to claim all of Ash.

Ash could only imagine what it must have been like in the dream, if their roles had been reversed, and he’d had to watch as Leland took Chris away from him. The cold clench of panic in his stomach had him curling in around Chris and gripping the nape of Chris’ neck hard. No wonder Chris had begged him not to make a promise he might not be able to keep. Ash would have wanted to hear that promise himself from Chris, but wouldn’t have wanted it as well. Both of them, more than most, were far too aware of how cruel and unusual the universe could be. Ash felt a flutter of fear that the future really was vast and unknowable and that there was no way to tell, to ensure that they would remain together.

But in the face of that fear flickered something stronger and warmer in his chest, something that beat it back with a vicious ferocity he hadn’t thought possible. It was something that whispered through his blood and wound itself around his heart, the words unshakable.

_For him, I’d pull down the stars. For him, I’d move heaven and earth to keep him safe. To keep us together. For him I’d do it all over again. Every time. All of it._

The clarity of the conviction behind the words startled him so that he gasped into Chris’ mouth, hauling him in tight until their hips brushed and they were pressed as close as they could get, skin-to-skin.

“I’m never leaving you,” Ash whispered, though whether to reassure Chris or himself he wasn’t entirely sure. “Never.”

Chris grabbed onto his hip and squeezed hard enough that Ash wondered if he’d have a bruise in the shape of his hand after. The thought of it, Chris’ brand on his skin, had Ash shivering in delight. Maybe, just maybe, this moment wasn’t just about comforting Chris. Maybe it was about comforting himself too, that they would always have each other, always be there to catch the other when the fall, when the dark came.

Ash rolled his body into the cradle of Chris’ broad hips and sucked in sharply at the dry friction.

“Like this,” Chris breathed, sounding close already as he mirrored Ash’s movements. “You feel perfect like this. God, your skin is so warm; drives me wild every time.”

“Yeah,” Ash managed, burying his fingers in Chris’ hair. “Come on, _angwl’_ , wanna feel you come all over me. Mark me up, get me absolutely filthy with you.”

Chris moaned, a low, broken sound, as his body curled in toward Ash. He thrust against Ash, the line of his dick brushing along the planes of his abs. The motion brought Ash flush against him and he couldn’t help a soft hiss of, “yes, fuck,” as his dick slid along Chris’ pale, heated skin. He slipped a thigh between Chris’ legs, giving them both a better angle.

Ash could feel words long buried bubbling up, rising to the surface. They were words from another time, another life, words he had never thought he would be able to say as the Son of None. The ritual Klingon rite of marriage floated through his mind, fueling the need to keep just this one promise to Chris, to always be with him, no matter what the universe threw at them. Chris was all around him, heat and light and breath swamping his senses as he felt lightning arc through his veins. The part of him that remained Klingon longed for those words to bind them together, but Ash, all of Ash, knew they were already bonded, something stronger than an ancient oath tying them together with a thousand tiny strands as strong as the titanium of the ship’s hull.

“ _Angwl’_ ,” Ash gasped, body coiling down to the pinpoint of Chris’ hand on his hip and his fingers in Chris’ hair. “ _Angwl’_ , love you, love you so much.”

Ash was gasping, choking with the knowledge behind his words, suffocating in the best way with the riptide of emotion roaring through him. Chris’s thighs clamped down around his and held Ash to him as he came. Some of that frenzied need unwound in Ash’s chest as he felt Chris’ come cover his flushed skin, linking them in yet one more way.

Chris still had his hip in a vice grip and he moaned as the orgasm shook through him. “ _Mine_.”

The stark, primal possession in Chris’ tone was what had Ash coming. It caught him by surprise, the way the word shot through him, sparking off the lightning in his veins and igniting the rest of him. He tipped his head forward against Chris’ as he came and coated Chris’ stomach, making a full mess out of both of them. They were clinging together as they both came down, legs tangled, and sharing the same breath. Ash felt a sated feeling settle deep in his bones, easing the part of himself that had answered Chris’ need with need of his own. He let out a quiet sigh, content to possibly never move again. If the rest of eternity was to be spent in the circle of Chris’ arms, the feel of his steady beating heart against his own, then Ash was absolutely never budging, shipwide crises and universe-ending plots be damned.

Chris bumped his nose against Ash’s and Ash didn’t need to open his eyes to see the gentle smile as it spread across Chris’ features.

“Thank you,” Chris murmured, voice low and less heavy with need now.

“Always,” Ash replied as he pressed a kiss to the corner of Chris’ lips. “Whatever you need, _angwl’_. I’ll always get it for you, do it for you, do it _to_ you.”

That earned a quiet laugh from Chris. “You do know how to get me to, uh…”

“Relax? Forget how words work? Think I’m sort of a sex god?” Ash supplied helpfully, opening his eyes at last to see the blush as it spread across Chris’ face.

Chris rolled his eyes and smacked a resounding kiss on his lips. “Yeah, okay, all except maybe that last one.” He waited just a beat as Ash squawked in protest. “Okay, fine, maybe that last one too.”

Ash smirked, happy to see Chris at ease and teasing him. That, as much as the way Chris was tucked into his arms, loose and warm, helped reassure him that Chris was coming back to his normal self after the nightmare, if not already there. He cupped Chris’ face and ran his thumb along the high sweep of Chris’ cheekbone. He loved these quiet moments with him, where it was just the two of them curled into one another, safe and tucked away from the rest of the universe.

Chris blinked and then looked concerned. “Do I even want to ask what time it is?”

“Uh,” Ash offered helpfully as he leaned up enough to see the chrono behind Chris. He looked back to Chris and gave him a lopsided grin. “Not really.”

“Is it enough time for a shower at least?”

Ash laughed. “A very long one. And a nap too, if you’re feeling up to it.”

Chris yawned and gave him a rueful look. “I could use another couple of hours.”

Ash could see the silent question in his eyes and kissed him. “Let me get us cleaned up and then I’ll join you.”

Chris pillowed his head on his arm as Ash slid from the bed and retrieved a warm, damp washcloth. By the time Ash had finished wiping down the broad path of Chris’ chest, Chris had a smile on his face that all but screamed dopey and fond. It was one of Ash’s favorite looks on him. (Yes, Ash had a list of favorites and the ranking changed constantly. Sue him; he was allowed to get mushy about his boyfriend.) Ash tossed the washcloth in the direction of the hamper and shrugged when it missed. Chris just laughed softly and welcomed him back under the covers with open arms and a thorough, lazy kiss.

Ash let Chris pull him onto his side and then he tossed his arm over Chris when Chris tucked himself into Ash’s chest, his nose practically glued to Ash’s collarbone. He rubbed up and down Chris’ back and pressed a kiss to Chris’ absolutely disheveled hair (another favorite of his).

“I’d be lost without you,” Chris admitted quietly. “And so fucking alone, god.”

Ash couldn’t help but tighten his arms around Chris at that even as he huffed. “Doubt it, my fearless captain.”

Chris laid his hand over Ash’s heart and pressed until Ash knew Chris could feel his heartbeat. “I mean it,” he insisted, voice still low. “You mean so much to me, and you see so much more of me than anyone else does, than I let anyone else see. You’re — you’re my other half, and I know that sounds so cliché and trite, but it’s true.” He sighed and added in a quiet tone, “I thought I was long past finding someone to share my life with. Hell, I knew being a captain wasn’t going to be easy for that, but I’d given up and accepted that I was supposed to be one of those people that’s just always on their own. And then you showed up in your ridiculously hot all-black outfit and that brooding stare and with that ‘make me shut up’ smirk. And I knew that was it — even if it took until The Shuttle for me to admit it to myself.”

And, well, Ash just _had_ to kiss him for that.

“Chris,” Ash breathed out his name and nudged his chin up so that he could do just that.

He savored the way Chris let him in and melted under his touch, allowing Ash to lick in and press himself into as much of Chris as he could reach. It was something he had always treasured, the way his indomitable captain, who stood tall and proud, trusted Ash enough to be soft and open with him. And he valued it even more now, in the light of Chris’ admission. Ash tucked that knowledge close to his heart, in the space that had been empty for so, so long before he’d returned to the _Discovery_ , before he’d come home.

Chris yawned into the kiss and then chuckled apologetically. “Sorry, I swear you’re not putting me to sleep.”

“Yes, I am,” Ash shot back, smiling. “In a good way though.”

“A very good way,” Chris agreed as he settled more comfortably into Ash’s embrace.

Ash pressed a kiss to the top of his head and then smiled in his hair when he felt Chris’ nose return to that spot on his collarbone that he loved so much.

“Sleep, _angwl’_. I’ll be right here the whole time, I promise. You’re safe with me.”

It wasn’t long before Chris dropped off, his body going limp in Ash’s arms. Ash tugged the covers up more firmly around them and draped his arm around Chris once more. He fell asleep to the soft, even sound of Chris’ breath puffing, warm and comforting, across his bare skin.

**Author's Note:**

> \-- Title of the fic from ["Safe With Me"](https://genius.com/Gryffin-and-audrey-mika-safe-with-me-lyrics) by Gryffin and Audrey Mika. It's also in my Ash/Pike playlist, which you can listen to [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37929rmzYpCaCvabKpVgMh?si=7Em_WkRKQOqZsW3nRcvJYQ). The songs in there were added because they were perfect for Ash, Pike, both of them, or about aspects of their lives (like Ash's feelings about L'Rell, Pike's fate, etc.). Enjoy!
> 
> \-- An update on the fic where Ash brings his son to the _Discovery_ : It's still being written. And is very adorable. I'm holding off on posting the 15k I have so far because I don't want to be my own worst enemy - posting the early chapters and never finishing it.
> 
> \-- All of your comments are so, so appreciated and loved, seriously. Each one on the previous three fics in the series have absolutely made my day each time and been a huge motivation to keep writing about these adorable idiots in love. Y'all have actually made me clutch my phone to my chest and made a goofy, happy noise.
> 
> \-- Up next: episode-centric fic about Talos IV!


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